at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
