i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
