3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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