The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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