Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
