that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
