i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
