Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
