I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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