She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
