margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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