Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
