yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
