i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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