I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I understand Curling. That high.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
