Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
