Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Welp...herpes.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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