last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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