you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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