Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
