Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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