we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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