Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
