Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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