If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
