Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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