How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The struggles of a small town man whore
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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