I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
