the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
