the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't deserve a penis
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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