All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
