He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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