woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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