I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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