i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
