I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
