Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the night ended with taco bell and tears
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
