we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
