I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
