dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Drunk is not a location!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
