Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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