Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
