I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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