I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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