Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
