You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
