they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize