I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
