I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
