My boss' voice literally gives me gas
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize