if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
