i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
