im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
