actually, I'm a sock model
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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