i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
