I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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