glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
