You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My penis needs a shock collar
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
