i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
