You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
