that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
