Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am available for nakedness
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
