Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
