I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
