I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
