I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
