he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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