Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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