please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
