It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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