let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
