here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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