if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
