You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
