Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
