My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize