I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
