My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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