we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
