1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
