Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need a beard to bite.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
