Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
