Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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