goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Found your dick twin last night
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
