But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
