Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
