I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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