oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
